Sean's Sports : Screw You Bill Simmons

Screw You Bill Simmons

Screw you Bill Simmons.

Vikes (+2.5) over JAGS Minny's last hurrah before the Kevin Williams and Pat Williams suspensions probably get handed down. And if suspensions get handed down before Sunday … I'm screwed with this pick. Meanwhile, Alexander in Minneapolis wonders, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how awful is it that every sensible Vikings fan is hoping the Lions remain winless until they beat the Vikes, hopefully putting the final nail in the coffin of Brad Childress? I'd ask for a 'Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 Minnesota Vikings!' but considering the Twins fell apart in September, the Marian Gaborik fiasco, Kevin McHale and Gopher football, can I get a 'Ladies and gentlemen, the 2008 Minnesota sports landscape!' instead?" No. You're getting this instead: "It could be worse -- you could live in Seattle."

Simmons doesn't talk about Minnesota much, despite the often laughable nature of our situation. Usually, Minnesota teams are just mentioned in lists of mediocre teams or dumb coaches. And in those cases, he tends to elaborate on everyone in the list with a tidy little joke that helps the fans out with a nice little catharsis moment -- except for Minnesota. We're left out.

Like last week, when he nominated Andy Reid, Herm Edwards, Romeo Crennel and Brad Childress to the "Flabbergasted Four" for their inability to manage to clock or use timeouts or challenges correctly. He insulted them (correctly) for a few lines, then finished with: "By the way, Browns, Eagles and Chiefs fans are just nodding solemnly right now." Really Bill? No Vikings fans are nodding? Do the Vikings not have fans?

Or are you just an asshole?

But on a more pressing note ... how big a gap is there between Minnesota sports and Seattle sports? I really need this to be a big gap. But I fear that the biggest difference is that Simmons has pity and respect for the plight of Seattle fans, and nothing but disdain for the residents of Minnesota.

These days I only read Simmons for the occasional laugh between dozens of strange modern-day pop culture references about Kim Kardashian's butt, along with his ability to make me angry.

It's another one of those days.

Posted by Sean Schulte at 2008-11-21 13:31:28