Sean's Sports : NFL Week 9 Picks

NFL Week 9 Picks

So more and more players seem to be losing their minds; in fact, the rate at which football players are going insane even seems to be increasing. 350 pound defensive linemen taking weight loss pills? Megamillionaire superstar running backs assaulting helpless, useless women at nightclubs? Behavior so intolerable that agents are firing their clients -- seriously, any time a sleaze bag agent will forgo their cut of the contract, you know the player must be a real douche.

With the insanity pervading the league, how can anyone expect the games to be predictable? At the same time ... how could I get worse at this than I've been in the past? Time to find out!

Houston at Minnesota (-5)

I hope the Texans realize and appreciate what I did for them last week. They always tend to do the opposite of what I pick for them, perhaps moreso than any other team. So, with that in mind: the Vikings are struggling with the accusations against their pair of Williams anchors, who in turn have probably been on the phone all week with their steroid supplier demanding an explanation of why the drugs were so ineffective. The offensive line can't open any holes, and Adrian Peterson hasn't been able to create something out of nothing all season. The wide receivers don't get open, Gus Frerotte is Gus Frerotte, and the defense is identical to last season despite the addition of even more talented players -- backing up my ongoing assertion that the problem is not with the talent level on the team, but with the utter incompetence of the coaching staff. Seriously, the Vikings coaching staff is so inept that last year's sacks leader came from the Chiefs and suddenly can't get into the backfield alongside two other Pro Bowlers. This is a team full of losers who inspire no confidence. Texans.

Jacksonville (-7.5) at Cincinnati

Chad Ocho Cinco is a horrible wide receiver. They should get rid of him and get Chad Johnson back. My thoughts though? The Bengals should really thank Chad. His antics distract everyone from the rudderless, captainless ship that is the Cincinnati Bengals. This franchise is ridiculously poorly run, and long ago turned into a joke. This week's punch line? Team-best wide receiver TJ Houshmanzedah guaranteed a victory. Not a victory this week, just in general. In other words -- the Bengals will finish at least 1-15. Way to go out on a limb there TJ. Not this week. Jaguars.

Tampa Bay (-8.5) at Kansas City

I hate Larry Johnson. And I feel sorry for Tony Gonzalez; he really deserves better than the Chiefs. And I also feel sorry for new second string quarterback Ingle Martin; what kind of a name is Ingle? But I got burned by the big spread last week, and so I'm going with the Chiefs to beat the spread this week. (You're welcome Tampa Bay.)

Baltimore at Cleveland (-1.5)

I'd say something about the Browns here, but I don't think it really matters. The Ravens are going to put a bounty on their heads and deliberately injure them with "clean, legal hits" and then claim they didn't mean to do it while they hand each other hundreds of dollars after the game and laugh gruesomely. I wonder how long the Ravens will be loudmouth thugs who -- more than anything else -- are the kind of guys you'd never want to be meet in a dark alley; my guess is that it'll take 3-4 years after Ray Lewis finally retires. Or is convicted. Ravens.

New York Jets at Buffalo (-5)

What happened to the Bills? They jump out to that great start, everyone starts to like them, and then they put Lynch on the bench and decide it's not worth trying to stop the Dolphins from scoring at will? Well, that's the Dick Jauron I know. At least he signed his contract extension before last week's game, negotiating the deal for himself rather than preparing his team for its game. Pathetic. But he's got his contract now, so I expect the Bills to be prepared. Bills.

Arizona (-3) at St. Louis

I think Kurt Warner is going to wild against his old team, and light up the turf like it's the olden days. I also think the setting will confuse him a little, leading him to throw balls to the guys wearing the Rams jerseys. I also think Donnie Avery will finally stop putting up big points, as I've finally decided to start him for my fantasy team. That means two things: 1) my bench may stop outscoring my starters, and 2) Avery's done scoring this year. Cardinals.

Detroit at Chicago (-13)

I'm going to have to watch this game, and it's not going to be fun. The Lions are just awful, and I don't think there's much more to say about that. Although I think they've been showing clear signs of improvement, especially at the quarterback position -- he now knows that you can't run out the back of the end zone during the play. Bears.

Green Bay at Tennessee (-4.5)

Mike and Mike think the Packers are going to win this one, using the logic: "The Titans are not going undefeated, and I expect them to go 13-3. Therefore they pretty much need to start losing. Therefore the Packers will beat them this week." I don't think that logic follows. What does follow is that the Titans will stuff the Packers' struggling running game, put pressure on Rodgers like he's never seen before, and pound the ball on the ground all day long. Just like they always do. Also, it doesn't help the Packers that they just signed Rodgers to a long term deal during the week. When will teams learn that they don't gain anything by doing that? The players always lose motivation once they have the guaranteed money, and at that point they only care about not getting injured rather than earning the money; secondly, they celebrate after signing the contract, rather than keeping themselves ready to play; thirdly, they were busy negotiating their contract rather than preparing for Sunday's game. I don't like anything about this, and that's why I think Rodgers will look a bit rough out there. Titans.

Miami at Denver (-3.5)

The Dolphins looked pretty good last week, but this time around they won't have the benefit of the opposing coach spending his time with contracts rather than preparing for the game. Broncos.

Atlanta (-3) at Oakland

I don't see the Raiders stopping the Falcons' vertical passing attack. Expect a big day from Matt Ryan and Roddy White. Honestly, I'm surprised the spread is this small. Falcons.

Dallas at New York Giants (-8.5)

Eli Manning hasn't really been impressing me lately. And I'm troubled by the fact that Plaxico Burress is doing everything in his power to be as disruptive as he can. People who "know" him say he doesn't care about the money -- what I say is that he only says that now that he's got plenty of it guaranteed. The Giants can't take it away from him, so he doesn't have to show them any respect. The best thing the Giants can do is let him rot on the bench until the season ends and get rid of him. Basically give him the Shockey treatment. Note that their best game of the season was when Burress was suspended -- both out of practice and off the sideline. But even with all that, the Giants are nowhere close to as dysfunctional as the Cowboys. Giants.

Philadelphia (-8) at Seattle

I don't think it's wise to bet against the Eagles right after the Phillies won the World Series. That's the end of my analysis on this one. Eagles.

New England at Indianapolis (-6)

This rivalry isn't what we've seen in recent years -- Brady is out and the Patriots are a shell of their former selves. On the other side of the field, the Colts are in shambles and their trademark consistency is no more. You never know what you're getting out of either of these teams any more, which is the biggest change of all. But Peyton is still there and his weapons are still available, as long as the offensive line can give him a little time. Colts.

Pittsburgh at Washington (-1.5)

The Steelers are a good team, but they can't do anything against the almight power of the NFC East! I'm not about to go along with the hyperbole thrown around by the east coast guys who think the NFL doesn't extend past the Appalachian mountains and college football doesn't extend past the Bible belt, but I think this year the NFC East is a great division and has somehow gotten into the Steelers' heads. Redskins are going to be running wild in the backfield, and I wouldn't want to be Roethlisberger this week.

Last week: 4-10 Total: 30-52-2

It's a good thing I don't actually have money on this. Ouch.

Posted by Sean Schulte at 2008-11-01 14:03:37